Friday, January 7, 2011

Confessions of the soul

Yes, it has been awhile since a last update.  I am totally fine with that because we were off spending wonderful time with family and friends over the holidays.  God has blessed us with such wonderful family and friends and we were so thankful for time to relax and catch up.  We also had a wonderful new addition to the family as Josh’s brother, Justin, married Christy over the holidays.  There is nothing better than a Christmas wedding (yes we know from experience: happy 6th anniversary to ourselves on December 18!).  So all that to say we have been busy, but it was a very good busy.  I will certainly post some pictures very soon.  This week totally took us off our feet as we got back into our routine.  Wow, that was rough! 
1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you.
As the new year begins, I find myself thinking, praying, thinking, and praying some more.  All adoptive parents go through different emotions during the adoption process.  For us, the first 2 months (yes we have officially been DTE for 2 months) flew by.  We were busy and just couldn’t seem to catch up.  Have you ever realized it’s easier to “think” you are giving everything to Christ when you are busy and don’t have time to REALLY think about things?  Then, when you have a second, you realize you’ve been just pushing away that part of your brain that is trying to talk to you?  It’s trying to remind that something REALLY important is going on and maybe you haven’t prayed about it enough or given it ALL over to Christ?  Wow, that totally hit me this week.  I began to think more about our son and become more impatient with the process.  I wanted him here and now.  I became discouraged because things are still going SO slowly with the other families ahead of us.  Let’s face it, I began to WORRY.  When our precious 2 year old daughter said, “Mama Brandt Home,” I practically burst into tears.  Now, everyone knows NOTHING in the adoption process is set in stone. There are many ups and downs and one must learn to be flexible and let God lead.  Well, there is certainly no room for worrying in all of that. However, worry is exactly what I started to do.  All of the awful, bad things that might or could happen began creeping up.  This however, made good things happen.  I  RAN to God as fast as I could.  I knew I needed to pray.  I began to pray and I have still been praying like I should have been from the very beginning.  I prayed for our son (even if he isn’t born yet).  I poured out my heart before God.  Then I discovered something that should NEVER have taken me 29 years to found out.  What I have found is that praying only leads to more praying and more praying and you begin to truly converse with God.  Once you begin praying you only pray harder.  Things begin to come to mind that you certainly never put there, but God begins laying things on your heart.  Wow.  I was completely blown away.  You know, I have grown up with some great examples of prayer.  My grandma is on her knees every day praying for those around her.   I know she keeps lists of prayers and continues to pray for them daily.  I grew up with a father that was kneeling by his bedside every morning before going to work and a mom that continually prayed throughout her day.  Somewhere in there I forgot to follow their example.  Life got busy and I didn’t keep up with it.  Through this adoption process I am certainly learning daily to “let go”.  I think sometimes we feel like we have a choice. Well, there is no choice here.  I can worry and I can be impatient.  I can let that worry consume me so that I am not thinking about others and serving others the way that I should be OR I can let go. I can trust God that he is in control NO MATTER what happens. We began this process knowing that God was completely and totally in control and we need to continue the process the same way. Is it easy?  Nope.  Is it worth it?  YEP.  So I have a request for you.  Will you join me in prayer?  Will you pour your heart out?  Will you thank Him for all of the many blessings you have right down to the warm blankets you have to sleep under each night or the food that is on your table?  I have a feeling that if you do, you’ll find you has a deeper relationship with our creator.  You will only want to talk to Him more.  So pray. 


Anonymous said...

wow. great post Tami! Thanks for sharing that with us. Praying with you :)

jkseevers said...

awesome post, Tami. We are right there with you. Running to God, almost daily for peace, patience and grace in this waiting process. He's got it all worked out already. We really don't have any reason to worry. Thanks for the reminder.

Jes said...

thanks for your post, tami. it really encouraged me:)